Many couples find themselves in unhealthy conflict. Constant arguing or arguments that go nowhere leads to hurt feelings, anger, and resentment in the relationship.
It is important to understand how to approach and resolve conflict healthy in a relationship. When handled properly, conflict increases intimacy and strengthens the bond between you and your partner.
- You Aren’t Listening
As your relationship progresses, you learn so much about your partner. You discover their pet peeves, what they value in a relationship and how they perceive the world around them. You also get to understand their beliefs on a deeper level, which can lead to a higher level of intimacy and satisfaction in the long run.
However, this can also be a source of unhealthy conflict in your relationship if you’re not listening effectively to one another. When you aren’t really hearing what your partner is saying it makes it hard to discuss the issue at hand in a productive way.
Some people are so afraid of conflict they will try to avoid it at all costs, while others will become defensive when they’re confronted with it. But this doesn’t have to be the case! Healthy conflict can be a positive part of your relationship and you can make it so with these tips.
- You’re Blaming
One of the biggest indicators that you and your partner are engaging in unhealthy conflict is when you blame each other. Blaming often arises as a reaction to unmet expectations, and it can create an unhealthy cycle of frustration. It is important to discuss and explore these expectations together, as well as set clear boundaries.
Another common trigger for blaming is when you make sweeping generalizations such as “You always,” or “You never.” These statements are like grenades that can turn any disagreement into a fight, and they can damage your relationship over time.
If you are engaged in a blame cycle, it is helpful to seek counseling to identify the root causes. In therapy, you can learn healthy communication skills to break this negative pattern and develop a stronger, healthier relationship. A therapist can also support your partner in discovering and accepting their role in the conflict. Together, you can address the underlying feelings that are creating conflict and heal from past hurts.
- You’re Ignoring Your Partner’s Feelings
Human beings are naturally self-focused unless they intentionally prioritize other people’s feelings and needs. This often results in unhealthy conflict where one partner feels they have been thwarted or slighted while the other person just wants to win the argument. This is a lose-lose situation for both parties and can be toxic to the relationship.
It’s important to remember that conflict in a healthy relationship promotes understanding and effective communication, prevents resentment and can ultimately lead to greater satisfaction. However, if you find yourself constantly invalidating your partner’s emotions it is time to stop and consider what the problem may be.
Maybe you are irritated by the fact that your partner once again forgot to pick up the groceries or it could be a deeper issue such as insecurity or a past emotional wound. Regardless, it is essential to communicate with your partner about what is bothering you and seek resolution before it escalates into something that you will regret.
- You’re Blaming Yourself
If you are blaming yourself for unhealthy conflict in your relationship, it may be time to seek therapy with a couples therapist. A qualified therapist can help you work on your communication skills, emotional regulation, and how to handle disagreements in a healthy manner.
Unhealthy conflict can lead to stress-related illnesses like migraine headaches, high blood pressure, heart disease, and sleep disorders.1
In addition, long-term, unexpressed resentment can eat away at a couple’s relationship satisfaction.3
Productive, healthy conflict can allow people to learn about how others see and experience the world. This is important for creating stronger, healthier relationships.unhealthy conflict in a relationship
